Distracted Parenting

In this world filled with ironies, it appears Smartphones are creating a new one.  While Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the other social media links are bringing people closer to family and friends all over the country and around the world, they are distancing parents from the people who are right in front of them…their kids.  We now have a new classification:  the distracted parent.  In fact, distracted parenting appears to be on the rise.  And with it comes a rise in child injuries and even deaths.

Cell phones are taking parents’ attention away from their kids, and with it go safe supervision, social interaction, communication and emotional bonding. 

In terms of safety, a recent article in the Wall Street Journal noted that emergency rooms are reporting a recent increase in nonfatal child injuries.  In fact, there has been a 12% increase of nonfatal injuries in children under the age of five based on data from the CDC from 2007-2010.

The distractions from cell phones have been blamed for many a toddler’s injury on the playground, at the pool and even at home.  Near drownings have been reported when caretakers took their eyes off their young charges.  In one case, a toddler sank in the deep end of the pool when his nanny just took her eyes off him for what she reported as being “20 seconds.”  In fact, security cameras showed that she was busy with her phone and hadn’t looked up for three minutes!

And most of us know what that’s like…we get a text and go to read it and then respond.  An announcement that it’s your turn to play “Words with Friends” or someone ‘Liked’ your picture of a hummingbird, or maybe  an alarm beeps to remind you to pick up the essential oils you ordered last week at a party, and on and on and on.  Our entire life can be totally wrapped up in that little box we hardly put down.  But, those “20 seconds” can easily turn into three minutes…three minutes too long to take our eyes off our young kids.  In fact, research has shown that kids engage in more risky behavior when supervision decreases; an even more important reason to keep your eyes on your kids.

As far as social interaction, communication and emotional bonding, a small pilot study released in the journal Pediatrics reports: Distraction by device is very common indeed.

Children who constantly see their parents playing with Smartphones at the dinner table can feel neglected, insecure or not worth your time.  You’re going to miss a lot of those benefits of eating meals together.   Often kids act up to get a parent’s attention away from the phone, but are often swatted away or appeased by the parent handing over the phone so the child can play a game.

And then there’s the disappointment I have seen on a child’s face when she looks over to the sidelines during her soccer game, or at the pool or just doing cartwheels in the yard, “Mommy…did you see that?” only to have her mom look up from her phone with a sheepish look on her face.  Even her mother’s earnest encouragement to, “Do it again and I’ll watch this time,” doesn’t take away the initial hurt.  I’m not judging here either, I’ve been that mom and I’m ashamed.

There has not yet been a comprehensive study on how parents' distraction by digital devices may impact children. But previous research has shown that even newborns are primed to gaze into a mother's eyes seeking social information. This is partly how bonds are formed. Very young children learn about their world largely through face-to-face interactions, vocalizations and touching with parents. They also develop language skills this way.

What messages are we sending our kids?  That the things on our phones are more important than they are?  And…is that really true?  Is the text message you were sending really worth the disappointment registering in your child’s eyes?

Look for something that’s active, engaging, meaningful and interactive. The good news is your schedule really does have room for two minutes of time, five minutes of time to look into our children’s eyes, have the conversation.

What these phones have done is to call our attention to the small screen rather than the present moment.  As parents we are missing so much of our children’s lives, opinions, and aspects of their character.  They are only young once, it’s your job not only to guide them and teach them how to be good people and live a healthy successful life…but also to cherish every moment you have with them before the day comes when they’re not interested in hanging out with you anymore. 

Create a lasting relationship with your child (or your spouse, or your siblings or your friends) by talking one on one with them, looking them in the eyes, actually DOING things together that don’t involve a phone.   Make a pledge to put your phone away and get reattached to people, instead of a device.

Source: Pediatrics, Parenting Today’s Kids